i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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