I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
