You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
