Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.

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(386): View more from Florida

The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.

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(541): View more from Oregon

By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life

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