just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
