If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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