TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
