I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
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idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
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Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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