If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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