his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
