Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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