I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
