They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
