Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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