Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
