Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize