That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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