birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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