White coat. Heels.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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