Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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