i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
