Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
