Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
