I showed him my bush... on skype.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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