you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
