i would punch a child for taco bell
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
