I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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