Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i barfeds in our rink
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
