are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
