I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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