It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
