So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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