I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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