she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
