so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
