So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
