I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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