she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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