apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
