Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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