Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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