he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
