You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
