mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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