I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
