the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
