I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
