Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
