He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
