Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
only you would photoshop your dick
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
