oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
