i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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