i think i have two assholes
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
