Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
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The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
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I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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