Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
