Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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