you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
