accomplished twins. life is a go
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
