Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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