"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
