I should be sponsored by Trojan
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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