this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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