I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
