she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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