You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize