i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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