Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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