You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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