I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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