how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
