Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
