Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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