awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
