I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
