Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
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my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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